woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The best revenge is premature balding
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
