i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
