By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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