Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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