I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
