WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
