when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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