he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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