are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
