All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
