When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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