final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
two words: eviction party
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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