My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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