Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
