he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
