The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
