Pappa wants mamma naked
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
