mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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