Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
