Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's blow job season.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
