Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
