She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
