dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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