I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
MIDGETS
????
I could fuck to npr.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize