I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
