i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
