DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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