Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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