The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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