The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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