we made out on top of his cat.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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