i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
