just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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