I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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