so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
