I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
