im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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