so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
