His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
