i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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