i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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