I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize