I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
