neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
