I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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