You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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