awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
