it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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