I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
