genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish you could order shots online.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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