There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
