You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
