Say something about gay babies.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
