my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
