I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
