I hate all girls vehemently.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
