I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize