Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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