someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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