party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I pour the whiskey from now on
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
