Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
