I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
