omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
