i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
