My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
