my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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