This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
