is your mom at the bar?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
