My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
