Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
